so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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