I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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