You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
