I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
