On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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