You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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