She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
how does that bad decision feel?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
