He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
