Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
