I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
