Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
