I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
