Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pooping to opera.
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