he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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