I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
