There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
