just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
