Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
