Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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