If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
