its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
