You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize