I think i sorta joined a cult last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
