It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
