big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This couple is walking their pig around campus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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