Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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