i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
