Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My balls are so social today.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
