I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
