Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
