I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Floor bacon is actually really good
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
