ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize