I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
