My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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