nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
