i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
