I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
