now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
