I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
