She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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