What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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