I wannas sexs uuuuu
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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