Whatcha textin bout Willis?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
