Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
