Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
