The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
