i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize