i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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