this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
