i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
