He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
