Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize