i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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