this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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