my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
