Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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