just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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