Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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