adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
