I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
