I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
