Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
