I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
