Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
