College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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