On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize