i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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