He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize